One of the first items I wanted on my home page was a wagon full of hearts. The bright blue wagon full of bouncing hearts symbolizes for me two important qualities of family life---having fun and pulling together.

    As a parent, and a family counselor of hundreds of others, I have come to see that the most important part of family life is the quality of the relationship between you and your beloved ones. Whether you're a single parent with one child, a couple with many children, a blended family, or a grandparent raising grandchildren, the quality of your relationship is foremost---not what your children wear, how they comb their hair, whether they finish first, second, or third place, but rather how it feels to be together.

    It's not uncommon for the family schedules to fill up quickly with work, school, and social obligations. When that happens family togetherness can turn into brief encounters filled with orders to hurry up, get your homework done, pay attention, and the dozens of items on your overflowing "to do" lists. Parents often complain that family life gets over shadowed by commitments and that life is stressful because they have so much to do. Parents yell more, kids fuss more, and the joy of being together vanishes.

    But it doesn't have to be that way. All of us, including children respond well to kindness. While what you say and the tone of your voice indicates how you are feeling, your child will interpret your words and tone as direct messages about his own self-worth. So speak gently and kindly, and your children will listen. There's no need to sound like a old shrew to get their attention. Shouting at children or to your spouse creates tension in the air, bad vibes around the house, and noise pollution in your head. It is not a good idea.

    When you find yourself becoming overwrought, take time to unwind--go for a walk or call a friend. Clear your head first, then when you're ready talk things over. Remember, every interaction has tremendous potential to hurt or heal, to wound or inspire. And in the midst of chaos your simply act of kindness can turn their day and yours around. When your children are grown and have children of their own, none of you will remember their grades, but all of you will remember the quality of your relationship.